On being made a rape-victim

It happens increasingly more often, that not only do women not get justice when they report sexualised violence and threats, they also get sued for having the audacity to report the violation of their human rights. Men who accuse women of being “false” rape-accusers are often believed, but women who accuse a man of violating their rights are automatically assumed to be lying. Worse even, an immediate investigation into her entire life ensues. Everything she has ever done or said since the moment she was born is under close scrutiny, while the history of the accused in left untouched and is even off-limits to media and lawyer probing, but the women get one of the closest background-checks by an army of reporters and lawyers.

“Who is she? ” “Where was she born?” “Who were her parents and where did they come from?” “What is her name?” while we often keep the names of the accused a secret unless he is already well known. “What does she look like?” “Is she pretty?” “Has she ever had sex before?” “Was there ever a man who wanted to have sex with her?” “What does she do for a living and how much money does she make?” “Is she involved in politics?” “Has she ever had an abortion?”

In short, the race is on to find evidence of a lack of moral character. They will keep digging till they found something and what they can’t find, they make up. Her phone gets tapped, her e-mail account broken into and she is followed around day and night. She becomes an instant celebrity if the man accused is high-profile enough and it always ends badly for her. The women who reported Assange, without even accusing him of rape, are in hiding.

There could even be half a dozen women accusing him of rape and intimidation and he will still get off. But everyone feels really sorry for him and literally want to kill the women who showed a little backbone. Last year alone is littered with examples of this and it only gets worse.

The average statistics in western nations indicate that 20% of all rapes are even reported and less than 1% of them result in a prison sentence. Less than 2% of rapes are deemed  ”unfounded” and that number is only based on a lack of evidence that a certain acts took place. If a victim of a rape waits too long  or showers before going to the hospital for a humiliating examination of her genitals, there is already a chance of her report ending up in that 2% range. these statistics vary little from year to year and country to country and are depressing indeed.

Still there are a great number of rapists in jail. Can you complete the math? To summarize this means that rape happens every second of every day to an estimate of 1 in 4 women in western nations alone and the vast majority of the rapists get off scott-free.

Rape is so normal in our culture that people hardly recognize rape even when it happens to them. People expect a rapist to be a stranger who jumps out of the  bushes in the middle of the night in a deserted area. Who will first kill a woman’s chaperone and then proceed to beat the woman till she is (nearly)  unconscious and finally rape her and then leave her and the chaperone behind severely bleeding and heavily injured if not both dead. This is what most people believe rape is and it doesn’t help that the media shows mostly the portrayal of a rape.

Most people don’t expect to be raped by a parent or husband or boyfriend. A friend they have known and trusted for years who suddenly decides not to take no for an answer. A co-worker or boss who decides to use some pressure to force a sexual encounter. People also don’t feel the way they expect to feel. They expect to feel fear and justifiable anger towards the person who raped them. Instead what many experience is shock, surprise, shame and confusion and self-doubt. They initially search for answers by examining their own behavior and feel reluctant to being regarded as a victim. Because that implies a powerlessness and weakness and who wants to feel or be weak? On the other hand, if they did have power enough to stop their rapist doesn’t that mean they are to blame? Does that mean they weren’t raped?

I never understood why slut-walkers were so keen on claiming the word “slut”, but completely reluctant to reclaim the word “victim”, because that is what we are when we talk about being raped, how we have been made a victim and that we are somehow to blame for and supposed to be ashamed of being a victim. That victims have no agency or power and what we couldn’t stop others from doing to us becomes our whole identity.

Taking advantage of traffic Captain Moron is sending my way

It has happened again folks. I have been troll-link-bombed. Today I broke my own record of site hits (the current count stands at 440), all thanks to this little website called Captain Moron (not the actualy name). The site is primarily focussed on complaining about people they don’t agree with having the gall to post anything at all on the internet.

But I must say I have much more respect for this new group of trolls, than I did for the last batch, which prompted me to write my comment policy and my troll post. At least this new batch took the trouble of reading my short version of the comment policy at the top right of the screen. So far it is only a troll-link-bomb, but not a troll-comment-bomb.

I am taking advantage of my 400 hits a day, and rising, to draw attention to some older posts that people were particularly interested in, starting with my post about gynecology. As I point out in that post, I never go to a gynecologist, unless I am having a problem and women might be interested to know that pelvic exams and pap-smears are often over-used and unneccessary. I recommend reading the comment section as well. There is a lot of information available about reproductive health-care for women in the comments and a lot of great links too. I thank all of the comment contributors. It’s been a good discussion.

Women’s weight is also often fussed about and this post has also created a nice discussion. Basically you don’t have to feel like shit if you aren’t thin. You don’t have to feel bad mentally or physically, because being strong and feeling good about yourself has nothing to do with your weight and what other people think of it, your lifestyle is far more important. Dances with Fat has some great resources that show what’s really up with the “weight debate” and how much money and bullshit is really at the source of all the bullying.

Do you like sex? So do I, but on my own terms. Here is a post about “foreplay” and to continue this topic, I don’t like the word “virginity” either and here is why. The final post I wish to draw attention to on this topic is abortion. The only tragedy of abortion is not being able to get one or being ostracised for getting one.

Oh, yes! The new batch of trolls made all the same mistakes as the last one. They failed to see the point of social justice (read: feminism) and a long time ago I also created a lovely post for that too. It’s about how if you make any mistakes you seem to lose the right to fight for equality. Another frequent complaint about women is that we don ‘t know how to drive. Being an excellent driver myself, I call bullshit, especially with all the horrible accidents that are caused by irresponsible male drivers.

I also don’t agree with how the patriarchy expects women to dress these days (or in the past) and how muslim women are often treated by both men from their own cultures as well as men from wetsern cultures. You can’t tell if someone is empowered by looked a their clothes.

So there you have it folks. This is basically a link round-up. In part this is an experiment to see how usefull a link-bomb can be. Most of the current hits go directly to the main page of my blog, so this will be the first post they see. Let’s see what kind of an effect it will have.

I will keep you posted. ;)

The Priorities of the Patriarchy

Edited: To honor all new visitors from the Captain Moron site I have created a special post just for you.

Due to an almost 200% price-hike in tuition for me next year there is a good chance I’ll be forced to drop out of college. That’s another way to control women, make sure they got less and less money. Robbing people of a chance to get an education and become self-sufficient will keep the Patriarchy as firmly in place as ever, so I figured I might as way catch up on my blogging, since I have been neglecting my blog for the past two years in favor of my probably soon to be failed attempt at getting a degree.

In this post I want to discuss Pirate Bay. Pirate Bay, for those of you  unfamiliar with the phenomenon of torrenting, offers torrent files that can be opened in a peer-to-peer downloading program. In short, you are downloading stuff from a whole bunch of users who are all connected via the .torrent file. These files can be legal, if you have bought a license to what your are downloading or if the media you download is freeware. However, it is no secret that what most people download is not the stuff they bought. Often this is thought off in terms of “stealing”, though the downloading is not the illegal part in many cases, but allowing people to download is. Sounds familiar? Legislation to “prevent” rape often also places blame with the wrong person.

In my country several internet service providers (ISP’s) are now forced to block access to the website Pirate Bay, who offers these torrent files. You can’t actually download any media (pirated or otherwise) from this website or it’s servers, however the law enforcers the world over are hunting the creators of this websites like crazy. One of the co-founders of the site has been convicted to a year incarceration and a fine of 1.1 million Dollar (I assume that means US Dollar, but the source was unclear).

Yet, the conviction for rape and assault of women remains less than 1% the world over. Perpetrators can attack and rape women to their hearts’ contend. The damage they do lasts a lifetime and is way more than just lost income. Yet, when the big-ass media corporations hoot and holler about lost revenue every government jumps to their feet with their pitch-forks and torches to assist those poor, poor media moguls who are having trouble shoving their useless, mediocre, misogynist, male-centric media down all our throats. Here’s a newsflash for you assholes: This feminist doesn’t want your crappy media, even if you paid me to consume it.

Hypocritically they claim the illegal downloading hurts artists and performers, but without such downloads being available would the big suits pay them even so much as one cent more? Would they? Would they give more opportunities to female actors and directors to make something other than misogynist crap? I highly doubt it, but there you have it. This is what the “crime-fighting-heroes” of the patriarchy spend most of their time doing; going after people who could, maybe, potentially hurt their control over the world. We can’t have any of that now can we. Women being hurt? Who cares? Women dying and getting murdered and raped? Small price to pay for “refocusing legal priorities”.

“Real Woman” = “Unfuckable Waste of Space”

I was sorry to read that Nine Deuce from the Rage Against The Manchine does not seem to agree or understand why many of us radical feminists don’t agree with most of the trans-arguments.

When it comes to hate crimes against (trans-)people there can be no doubt; violence, other than in cases of self-defense, can’t be justified. It doesn’t matter what another person says to you or however much you don’t agree with them, you have no right to assault them. I doubt there has ever been any confusion about that on either side of the debate. I have yet to meet the radical feminist who will call for violence against trans-people, though I am more than happy to call for violence against those men that have physically assaulted women. I am not above revenge or sticking up for my sisters.

However, as a radical feminist, I find it impossible to accept, either chemical or surgically, castrated or sterilized men as women. It is one of the worst stereotypes the patriarchy throws at us women. There is still the solid foundation of considering women as “just lesser men” on which the whole of the patriarchy is built. As a result we women are paid less, get harassed and assaulted and murdered, are denied access to much required healthcare, such as abortions and treatment for heart conditions in many areas in the world. Women do 99% of the world’s labor for a measly 1% of the world’s resources. We are treated as cattle, especially in the sex industry, and it is therefore not surprising that we are often compared to barnyard animals. We are denied work or are paid less for it than a man. (Just today I heard from another female classmate who was turned away from a shipping company with as reason “We don’t hire women”. Yes, they literally told her that.)

The patriarchy has also constructed this fine notion of the “the ideal woman”, which is very different from your average, every day “real woman”. The ideal woman is almost entirely based on appearance, though some character traits are desired such as quietness, pliability and a desire to make sure everyone else has a good time. In short the perfect, unproblematic nurturer who has no needs of her own. However, these traits are not as nearly as important as a woman’s looks.

Many women have their fat tissue distributed differently throughout their bodies than men do, which makes us to a degree more adept at surviving extreme conditions, such as bouts of hunger and certain rougher climates. However , because this is different from men and men are considered the default, the norm and the superior of the sexes makes this deviance a big problem. The solution: Make women look as small as possible, as to hide those undesirable, deviant fat deposits, even when a woman hardly has any. Because the patriarchy claims that as the “inferior sex” women also all posses the exact same deviant characteristics. This can be accomplished by “voluntary” starvation or by surgery. The preferred method is starvation, because this ties into the a less important, but also preferred personality trait, however any length a woman goes to make herself smaller gets a huge applause, especially when she “succeeds”.

What else is important? Well, women have those pesky boobs (stick with me I am going somewhere with this), but as primary nurturers they do serve a purpose, so what can the patriarchy do about those? Well, they can fetishize them and demand women hide the “indecency of their deviancy”. It’s true, while it is perfectly acceptable for men to show their breasts, though smaller, they are virtually the same body part that women have, but the shape and size, where it differs from men, must be made a problem. The fetishization of women’s breasts over the past centuries has worked so well, that they have since become objects of lust and not necessarily seen as something bad anymore. In fact, because western men have become obsessed with women’s breasts as objects for their pleasure the patriarchy has added another layer of deviancy to women’s breasts and that is that the small breasts or certain shape of breasts, that differ from “the ideal”, are now considered to be undesirable. Only one type of women’s breasts is now deemed acceptable and that is the round, perky and preferably larger breast. Yet again the problematic truth of all women being different comes into play and surgery is again “offered” (sometimes aggressively pushed) as a solution to “fix” that extra layer of deviancy.

When it comes to women’s appearance you can go on and on and on. I haven’t even talked about surgery for faces or what, besides surgery, is further required of women to make their appearance “acceptable” to the patriarchy. Suffice to say is that much of women’s upbringing and the media targeted at them is focused on getting women to strive for the unattainable ideal. The ideal is purposely made unattainable by every means possible, so that no woman can actually embody it, despite what ladies magazines keep telling people. No amount of surgery, make-up, dieting and exercising will make any woman look like the images they see on covers of magazines, because those women don’t exist in the first place. The women that posed for the pictures are merely the template for the final image.

Literally an endless supply of money and effort is made to keep women focused on “improving” their looks. Women are throughout their lives encouraged to spend as much money, time and health they can spare (preferably even more) on striving to look just like the ideal. Why? Because when women focus on their appearance they won’t focus that much on rising up the corporate ladder or gaining influence in politics, where they can influence the lives of others including that of men. Since we live in a patriarchy a woman with power over men is considered the most undesirable thing of all. Women who do attain a certain amount of power within world politics are even more harshly judged on their looks, even to the point where they get held back, are fired or are even shot. If a woman is to both politically and physically survive the scene of (world)politics and rise in power the only thing she can do is be conservative and help the men back the patriarchy by making it very difficult, if not impossible, for other women to follow in her footsteps.

To maintain a patriarchy doctors are willing to go so far as to frankstein the ideal woman together. To achieve this they will graft the “right” body parts onto someone born either female or male, but by the gods they are, they will achieve in creating the perfect female specimen. The younger their targets, the better. Children don’t ask as many questions and even concerned parents will at best be torn between the physical health of their children and their ability to fit into society, so plastic surgery and sex -reassignment surgery are often aimed at the youngest clients of the bunch. Even when a doctor can’t yet perform the surgery due to age, he has assured the industry a future client. Many plastic surgeons are extremely predatory. In the United States anyone with a medical degree is allowed to perform plastic surgery and they even hold plastic surgery parties to make surgical procedures seem fast, fun and easy. I can tell you from experience that any kind of surgery is painful, invasive and forever changes a part of you and with me is was just a broken elbow. It’s been almost three years since I broke it and it still hurts from time to time and the elbow has never been the same. It also did not stop swelling until they took the metal pins out holding the elbow in place. I do believe the surgeons did a great job fixing it and any doctor that has seen it was impressed. Still, I will never go under the knife again, unless it’s strictly necessary. Surgery is dangerous and it fucking hurts, people.

In either case, what is considered the female gender is entirely artificial. It is a bunch of stereotypes that the patriarchy has designed and created and is pushing onto women on a daily basis, while making fun of any woman who caves to the pressure and performs the gender she was assigned at birth due to the fact that the patriarchy tries it’s very best to make sure she never tries to grab any power, even for herself. We now come to the transgender phenomenon. I don’t think that any radical feminist will disagree with me when I state that women never choice those expressions of gender for themselves and that they are all inventions made and endorsed by men and heavily pushed onto women who may have chosen something entirely if they had not lived a lifetime of conditioning from the moment the doctor exclaimed “It’s a girl!”

Yet, the whole of western society considers these artifacts and appearances essential and defining features of womanhood, hence if a man “feels like a woman”, all he needs to do is adopt the stereotypes and voila! He is now a woman, expressing his female gender. Except for the fact that we feminists already know that gender is bullshit. It is the main tool of the patriarchy to keep women down. For a man to “perform femininity” is basically the same thing as for a white person to take the worst of stereotypes aimed at people from African decent and “perform the black race”. This is a phenomenon known as “black face”. These stereotypes don’t define black people anymore than femininity defines women. This is the reason I feel offended when men perform the stereotypes and say stuff to women such as “Look! I am a woman” and expect me to validate this artificial identity or I can face a whole lot of verbal abuse from them and their entourage. There is no such thing as “feeling like a woman.” It’s a myth, a patriarchal tool to keep women from reaching their full potential and it works. Many women do believe they are better mothers than scientists and as such will not try, even if they are interested in working in scientific fields. Women do not belief themselves to be good leaders, because they are women and will not try to go into politics, will not try to create a career for themselves and become self-sufficient. This brainwashing is incredibly powerful and ripples as continuous waves throughout the world, from generation to generation, and despite several hundred years of recorded women’s movement and two recorded feminist waves leaves the patriarchy firmly intact. The only thing that has changed is the methods by which women are kept down, but gender, however it is defined, has always been at the heart of it.
In this post I have mostly talked about men performing femininity. I can understand that women would like to acquire as much privilege as men are born with and that they perform masculinity as a means to attain it, I am however not sympathetic when their gender performance also consists of stomping on other women and acting superior. I don’t believe men are superior to women and that applies to women performing masculinity as well.
Another thing that greatly irks me about men performing the feminine gender is that their actions skew statistics in what women are or are not involved in and how they are discriminated against. Performing gender or not, men will want their privilege always and I can’t blame them. I want my privilege too. However while women are still pushed under the bus regarding workplace equality, men performing femininity have their workplace equality better and better protected under the law. This again leads people to think that women are less discriminated against while the reality for born women is precisely the opposite.

I am also less than pleased that men performing femininity are also demanding access to women’s resources and spaces. People, this has got nothing to do with keeping men out and everything to do with the fact that patriarchy does not allow women the same opportunities and space that it will allow men in the public sphere, so women created their own spheres to have some opportunities and spaces where they can be themselves without fear or attack, harassment or different standards. If we didn’t have a patriarchy there would be no need for female-only spaces. You men created the patriarchy, you are benefitting from it and keeping it alive. You are forcing us to hide and segregate so we can have at least a small semblance of a life, cause contrary to the stereotypes, we women do have personal needs. Until you men take down the patriarchy, this is the way it’s going to be. Women will need access to women-only spaces and you being shut out is your own damn fault.

Basic Safety Training

As part of my college program and training required by international maritime law, I had my basic safety training this week. This entails survival training and fire fighter training. I have learned a lot and there is nothing like becoming competent with the gear to boost your self-esteem. After a successful day learning how to extinguish different types of fires and running an obstacle course in the dark, while breathing through a mask with compressed air, I felt pretty good about myself. Today we went one step further and entered a burning structure, once through a door and a second time through a hatch in the roof. We removed a victim (read: a stuffed fire-fighting suit that supposed to represent a human-like doll) and we practiced extinguished fires from inside an enclosed space. The day ended with some survival training, for which we had to wear survival suits and life vests and jump in the water from two meters high. I was a little wigged out about the jumping part and the water was damn cold, but it was a fun and useful training.

I trained with a group different from my classmates, they don’t go to my school and with the exception of myself and one other guy, they were all white guys. During some of the training a few were a bit unfocussed and more interested in goofing around than paying attention to the instructors. One of the instructors got a bit weary of their general behavior and started applying some bigotry in an effort to scare them into paying better attention. One of the trainees was standing in the wrong place (behind another guy, rather than next to him) and the instructor said to him “Don’t stand over there. What are you, a homo?” He also got them to focus their attention on me during a water huddle (huddling in the water with a group of people is what you do to better conserve body-temperatures and also to prevent people from floating away). The instructor said “You finally have permission to cuddle with a girl, so do it”. This caused one guy to join the huddle so enthusiastically that he nearly dragged me under. Throughout the day I was also regaled with the stories about the breasts of various women, in other words: Dumb boob jokes.

After the training ended we gathered in the cafeteria and the instructor expressed his concern about the general attitudes of some of the trainees. The trainees in question were unsure what he meant and I joked at them by saying “he feels sorry for you”. Well, clearly I had now crossed the line. The guy later took me aside and said that I should not have said that and that in their place he would have been furious. “They are simple guys,” he told me, “with a simple education (a two year maritime program, rather than a four year college).” I was told that they can’t handle such an insult and it was further implied they were fragile. I had seen them joke around and goof off all day, so clearly they had understood the concept of humor, and I thought those complaints were a bit rich coming from an instructor, who less than two hours before, had called one of the trainees “gay” and not as an inappropriate inquiry into that guy’s personal life, but as an obvious insult. I told him that they make comments all day that could also make me “jump out of my skin”, if I should so choose, and that I was sure they had understood my remark to them to be a joke. The instructor however insisted that I need to be more careful not to hurt their feelings and that he was sure they would not have understood that it was all suppose to be in good fun. I repeated that it was merely a joke, shrugged my shoulder and dropped the matter.

I was not the least bit impressed by the instructor’s beratement and I thought him a total hypocrite. However, it kept playing around in my mind, because I had not seen it coming, particularly not from that guy. He clearly has no problems whatsoever taken down his own trainees a peg, but as soon as he thinks someone else is (he thought I called them stupid, but my comment about pitying them referred to their unfocussed behavior during the training and how they would end up if they acted like that during a real emergency, which was the whole purpose of the training in the first place) there is a problem. I am not certain about the true reason he was upset with me, but I thought it was weird.

A media blog for Dutch feminists

This year I have started a Dutch blog, because I am very concerned about the lack of activity in the Dutch feminist sphere. I am always surprised to hear from another Dutch feminist and that really shouldn’t be the case.

I am quite busy with school, so there won’t be updates often, but I hope that I can give it some readership and encourage people, with more time on their hands, to follow my example.

It is a blog about the Dutch mainstream media, many items of which will also be found on TV and radio in other western nations. With this blog I am criticizing what the media tells us on a daily basis and how these messages are often not what we might initially think.

Here is the link: http://watkijkjenou.wordpress.com/

“I wish you were just totally helpless, so I can be in complete control.”

* This is a repost from the Radical feminist Hub. This song is more relevant to Europe, than it is to the US and seeing I am a European feminist I have also put it here.

In April this year, the artist “Milow” released a new single and it has been slowly rising in the charts in the Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, Austria and Switzerland. It was no doubt intended as a kind of laid-back, summer, love song. However hearing it and seeing the music video has left me feeling incredibly creeped out. Take a look:

I will be going through the the songtext bit by bit and explain why it is so disturbing. He starts off with this:

I wish you smelled a little funny
Not just funny really bad
We could roam the streets forever Just like cats but we’d never stray
I sometimes wish you were a mermaid I could raise you in the tub at home
We could take a swim together
On weekly day trips to the bay

Here the singer is wishing that she, presumably his girlfriend, would smell so bad that no one would interact with her, but him; and that she has no legs so she can’t leave him. He’d be essentially keeping her as a pet.

I wish you were a little bigger
Not just big but really fat
Doors you would no longer fit through
In my bed you would have to stay
I often wish that you had feathers
I’d keep you in a giant cage
All day long I’d sit and watch you
I’d sing for you and that would be okay

The being so fat that she would be unable to leave the house part really disturbs me. It reminds me of feeders, which is a horrifying form of abuse where the abuser (usually a man) literally feeds his victim (usually a woman) and keeps her docile, so that her body loses all it’s strength and she can literally not get out of bed. It is a very physical way of making a woman meek and vulnerable so he is in total control of her. I don’t think I need to say it, but what person would want to lock someone up in a cage, particular someone he claims to care about. It is a human rights violation to rob someone of their freedom. It’s not even remotely caring or romantic. No one has the right to do this to another person and this is what we’re being sold as “romantic” here.

I wish you were a little slower
Not just slow but paralyzed
Then I could plug you into a socket
So you could never run away
I really wish that you were smaller
Not just small but really really short
So I could put you in my pocket
And carry you around all day

In the last chorus the described abuse gets even several degrees worse. Paralyzed? Really? Why not turn her into a statue, as her life clearly doesn’t matter to you. Also, wanting to turn a woman into a Barbie doll is beyond creepy. There are a great many things you’ll find in male/mainstream media that is being sold to us as something we women should want for ourselves, that it is romantic and a situation in life you can fantasize about. I, however, don’t know of a single woman who wants to be treated like that by any man. Almost every line of this song is horrendously abusive and would, in many nations, get someone thrown in jail for treating a partner like that. What is described however, is the ideal woman for many heterosexual men; a woman who can’t take care of herself at all so he can steer her, control her and dominate her. Her personality and humanity just don’t matter, as long as she is there and his personal property to do with as he wishes, she is “the ideal”. This is hardly the only or worst example of this kind of mainstream thinking, but it is a very obvious one and if you like around you, you can see that this is a recurring theme in western “romance”. Twilight would be another example, and that is sold to teenage girls with little to no experiences with relationships of their own.