Category Archives: patriarchal messages

You don’t have to have PIV, ever.

I am sure I have touched on this topic several times, but it always surprises me that straight women never consider this an option. For over 80% of women PIV ranges from boring to painful and makes a sexual experience with a guy either annoying or a real drag.

While he thrusts his STD/pregnancy-stick inside of you, you either wonder when he is finally done or hope he’ll be done really soon so you can let the pain die down. You just hope the condom is still in place and that in his enthusiasm to masturbate inside your body he actually bothered to ensure there is no condom mishap. But, really, you know the only reason he is wearing a condom is because he knows he won’t get any pussy without it.

In the above paragraph I have been crass on purpose. The stress that accompanies the possibility of a pregnancy and being being stuck with said pregnancy is something no man would ever be able to understand. It is a sometimes a crushing fear that adds to sex being less pleasurable when it involves PIV. Often the shear reluctance of a man to put himself in women’s shoes is incredibly off putting, in the same way that it hurts a lot when he mocks us for insisting the front door is locked at night. There are risks we women face, both due to our biology and our social status in society, that a man will never have to worry about.

Men make it painfully obvious they are not our allies and they are not our friends, when they time and again show us that our safety and comfort is not important to them. It becomes almost impossible to believe a man who says he loves a woman when he callously disregards her fears and her pleasure and only wants her to have an orgasm because it boosts his ego as a “lover.”

I just want to say to my fellow women (who sleep with men) that other options are available to you. You don’t owe him anything when it comes to sex. In fact sex with women is a privilege they should consider themselves damn lucky to get. They don’t get to make demands or requests, because we take the vast majority of all the risks. We are more at risk of not only becoming infected with an STI, but also to get sick from it. And we are the only ones to risk pregnancies.

If he is unsatisfied with the sexual encounter he always has his hand. I repeat, you don’t owe him a damn thing. If there is something he wants that you don’t like, there is no way it is ever OK for him to ask even twice, much less try to blackmail you into it. These guys are not worth having sex with. There are actually guys who don’t whine and try to make you do shit you don’t want. Find them and let the rest just fuck off. Or stick to masturbation or lesbianism. Every option is better than a dude trying to pressure you into having PIV.

The story of a feminist take-over of a Facebook page

Update: Facebook is now blocking the link whineydudes.blogspot.com as “spam”. Also I broke a record today. I have over a thousand page views on the blog in just a few hours. The previous record was just above 700.

Update 2: Facebook doesn’t seem to be blocking links from Whiney Dudes anymore. I don’t know when they lifted it or if it was an automatic block based on the number of times it was posted in a short period, but it works again.

Most feminists already now that men lie. Just because women don’t feature much in the history books does not mean our contributions to the world don’t exist. Men have embellished their accomplishments, conveniently ignored women’s work or have claimed credit for things they haven’t done. As a result our representation in malestream media is either minor or mischaracterised. The images and footage of women are one dimensional and distorted. It is extremely rare to see a woman portrayed in mass-media as she actually is.

We have no voice and no control in this media either. When we try to speak up and speak out against these gross misrepresentations we get harassed, threatened and sometimes even assaulted. This happens everywhere, including on Facebook.

Facebook is moderated by an unknown number of people hired either directly by Facebook or outsources to other organisations. It would not be that far a leap to suggest that the vast majority of these moderators are men who are Facebook users themselves and that they do not like women, as evidenced, among others, by the following story of the experiences of me and my friends.

A few days ago the sole admin of a pornographic Facebook page called Bra-Busters asked one of my friends if she would like to be an admin of the page. He was looking for new content and had hopes that she could provide it. She agreed to this and was made an admin. Her first act as admin was to remove his admin status from the page. She subsequently invited us to co-admin with her, to which we happily agreed. This is where the trouble began.

I joined in a little later than the others and offered to take down the original content. Up until that point they had simply pushed down most of the pornographic pictures that had been posted on the site. Below is a small and less malignant sample of what the page used to contain right up the moment we started posting our own content:

Untitled-1

I won’t post the rest of it or the comments that had been posted to the pictures, but needless to say is that the words “slut”, “whore and “bitch” had been used frequently. I spent about an hour deleting all the old posts and afterwards I felt a little sick. Not only was the objectification of the women posted, who seemed often not even aware they were being fotographed, obvious, but there was also evidence of extreme hatred for these women as well. The men loved to look a the pictures, but there was neither respect nor admiration for any of these women.

Up until the point of the take-over the page had almost 4000 likes. When we began replacing the porn with feminist imagery and messages these fans became aware of the fact that the nature of the page had changed significantly and they felt the need to revisit the page and make their sentiments known in no uncertain terms:

well fack you bra busters!! and fack you bra busters new editor bitch!! you took a small very enjoyable part of my day and have managed to piss me off by ridiculing me, go scissor your buth biker slut girlfriend.

As a joke we began to download the profile pictures of these guys and caption them with textballoon and their own words we had copied from the messages they were leaving on the page. A few examples:

Tylor Weaver2

Samuel T2

This enraged them even further and they demanded that we take down the pictures. They even enlisted some of the women they knew on Facebook to get the pictures taken down. These women often had no idea what it was about and some of them were horrified when they found out what they had been asked to get in the middle of.

I apologize to you as I don’t want to be his messenger. I was told that he was unable to report the photo himself, but apparently he’s able and therefore I wish I never got into the middle of this. Whatever people were on that page now makes me sick. Thank you for sticking up for women

We refused to comply with their demands. The next day I found out the images of these dudes had been reported as “pornography”. Facebook had removed the reported images and given me and another admin a ban from posting anything on Facebook for 24 hours. As of writing this, the ban is still in place for me.

24block

PornographyViolation2

The ban and Facebook’s prior refusals to remove actual pornographic materials from Facebook that me and my friends often reported awoke us to the fact that Facebook was extremely selective in upholding it’s own “community standards“. I have never heard back from facebook about anything I have ever reported, but the moderators managed to get to us in less than 48 hours on bogus claims. Facebook’s reporting system does even make it possible to report child pornography. The closest you can get is “sexually explicit content”, which was used against us most effectively by former fans of the page.

On a brighter note, something good has come out of this after all. The captioned pictures of the guys who left derogatory comments on the page were a huge hit and we keep getting requests for more. Because facebook may delete these pictures we have been sure to make copies and they are now uploaded on this blog:

Whiney Dudes

The page called Rapebook and the subsequent blog have also chronicled Facebook’s selective moderation. Even this has not been the first instance of Facebook’s lack of content control or disrecpect to it’s clients. Facebook does its’ very best to foster a culture of hostility and bigotry and below are articles that outline Facebook’s soddy moderating history:

* Facebook’s Refusal to Shut Down Video of Woman’s Murder Disgusts Public

* An Open Letter to Facebook

* My Placenta vs. Jay-Z

* Inside Facebook’s Outsourced Anti-Porn and Gore Brigade, Where ‘Camel Toes’ are More Offensive Than ‘Crushed Heads’

* Facebook faces new privacy criticism, moderators can see info

* Network of ‘Moderators’ Decide What Photos Can Be Posted on Facebook,   Google, Other Social Media

* Facebook Uses an Army of Third World Moderators to Wade Through Flagged Content

* The dark side of Facebook

Money is not a a substitue for consent

Update: This post originally appeared on the Radical Feminist HUB, which as of 21-02-2013 has disappeared. I am reposting it here, so it is still accessible.

Whenever the issue of prostitution is broached, people often refer to it as a “job like any other”. “Most” or “all people hate their jobs”, is the phrase that rolls off the tongue without much consideration and they ask the person who frames prostitution as institutionalized rape “would you be doing the kind of work you do if people didn’t pay you for it?” To which I can answer without hesitation “I would and I have, and I still do when a friend or relative asks me to.” This is both because I like my job and I happily do the people I care about a favor.

This is not so with sex acts. I am only willing to have sex when I feel like it, with a person of my own choosing. You can’t pay to do it and you can’t ask it of me as a favor. This issue is non-negotiable for me. Do you know why? Because I am a privileged, childless, woman who lives by herself; I have no one who depends upon me for survival, I answer to no one in my personal life and the situation in my country is such that, though I am a student incurring more debts each month, there are systems in place that provide me with enough money to live off. I am by no means starving or in a deep financial trouble.

My situation gives me the choice the refuse work, to apply for jobs that I find interesting and to leave the jobs I hate, all of which I have done in the past many times before. I am also in the privileged position that none of the work I have done is even remotely illegal or stigmatized and I can put it all on my resume. How does my situation compare to that of the average prostitute, porn-actress or escort? Well for one thing, if any of them of them wishes to switch “industries”, and an average of 80% to 90% of them currently want to, they will end up with a nice big gap on their resumes which any prospective employer would ask about. Many of those who work as prostitutes don’t even come clean to their family or friends for fear of being judged or even being reported to the police.

When think about rape, what is it you think about? Forced sex? Sex without consent? Sexual assault? Strange men jumping out of the bushes and attacking a woman? In either case you don’t think of the woman as having said “yes” and you may even get the mental image of a woman screaming “NO”. If a woman would not have sex with you if the choice was completely free, but will “consent” to it if you paid her to, then are we still talking about consent? Can you pay someone not to say “no” to you or even to say “yes”.

The situation of women the sex-“industry” is such that the vast majority of them do it either because they are unable to pay for their own survival, because of (threat of) violence or to support a drug addiction. There doesn’t seem to be much “choice” involved for many of them when deciding to do this kind of “work”. This is of course not true for all forms of prostitution. There are women who do have other, very viable options when it comes to generating an income. Those are the prostitutes you’ll most often hear from in the media; the ones who do have a voice and often advocate the “work” as “choice” and some of which refuse to keep the “low end of the business” into mind. In all honesty I have yet to hear of a current “low-end” prostitute with her own platform. All those whose words I read and hear from about the horror of prostitution are those who have managed to exist it.

When you pay for the “services” of a prostituted woman, you are not merely removing her choices, but you are also exploiting a person in a particularly vulnerable situation. If it were easy for her to get her money elsewhere and she wasn’t living with the constant threat of violence over her head, do you think she would even feel flattered if you offered her money to be allowed to use the holes in her body? I don’t know many women who don’t, at some level, feel revulsion, when such a proposition is made. They, like I, want to matter and be respected for who they are and what they have accomplished, not for their anatomy.

When we are talking about sexual freedom, why is it that so many people merely mean the sexual freedom of men to stick their dicks into women with impunity? What about our sexual freedom to say “NO” or not even having to say “no”? What about our freedom to choose the life and work that we really care about? Why is it that people feel that it is men’s prerogative to fuck where they like regardless of whom they hurt? Regardless of what dangers they put the person they fuck in? Regardless of the fact that women may not enjoy the sexual encounter and merely fake their enjoyment. It is so often that John’s say “well she seemed to enjoy it, so I wasn’t hurting her”, without even considering the fact that if she didn’t fake that enjoyment she would most likely not get anymore clients.

It doesn’t matter which way you spin it, when money is involved in arranging for sex acts the issue of consent becomes dodgy at best and rape at worst.

On being made a rape-victim

It happens increasingly more often, that not only do women not get justice when they report sexualised violence and threats, they also get sued for having the audacity to report the violation of their human rights. Men who accuse women of being “false” rape-accusers are often believed, but women who accuse a man of violating their rights are automatically assumed to be lying. Worse even, an immediate investigation into her entire life ensues. Everything she has ever done or said since the moment she was born is under close scrutiny, while the history of the accused in left untouched and is even off-limits to media and lawyer probing, but the women get one of the closest background-checks by an army of reporters and lawyers.

“Who is she? ” “Where was she born?” “Who were her parents and where did they come from?” “What is her name?” while we often keep the names of the accused a secret unless he is already well known. “What does she look like?” “Is she pretty?” “Has she ever had sex before?” “Was there ever a man who wanted to have sex with her?” “What does she do for a living and how much money does she make?” “Is she involved in politics?” “Has she ever had an abortion?”

In short, the race is on to find evidence of a lack of moral character. They will keep digging till they found something and what they can’t find, they make up. Her phone gets tapped, her e-mail account broken into and she is followed around day and night. She becomes an instant celebrity if the man accused is high-profile enough and it always ends badly for her. The women who reported Assange, without even accusing him of rape, are in hiding.

There could even be half a dozen women accusing him of rape and intimidation and he will still get off. But everyone feels really sorry for him and literally want to kill the women who showed a little backbone. Last year alone is littered with examples of this and it only gets worse.

The average statistics in western nations indicate that 20% of all rapes are even reported and less than 1% of them result in a prison sentence. Less than 2% of rapes are deemed  “unfounded” and that number is only based on a lack of evidence that a certain acts took place. If a victim of a rape waits too long  or showers before going to the hospital for a humiliating examination of her genitals, there is already a chance of her report ending up in that 2% range. these statistics vary little from year to year and country to country and are depressing indeed.

Still there are a great number of rapists in jail. Can you complete the math? To summarize this means that rape happens every second of every day to an estimate of 1 in 4 women in western nations alone and the vast majority of the rapists get off scott-free.

Rape is so normal in our culture that people hardly recognize rape even when it happens to them. People expect a rapist to be a stranger who jumps out of the  bushes in the middle of the night in a deserted area. Who will first kill a woman’s chaperone and then proceed to beat the woman till she is (nearly)  unconscious and finally rape her and then leave her and the chaperone behind severely bleeding and heavily injured if not both dead. This is what most people believe rape is and it doesn’t help that the media shows mostly the portrayal of a rape.

Most people don’t expect to be raped by a parent or husband or boyfriend. A friend they have known and trusted for years who suddenly decides not to take no for an answer. A co-worker or boss who decides to use some pressure to force a sexual encounter. People also don’t feel the way they expect to feel. They expect to feel fear and justifiable anger towards the person who raped them. Instead what many experience is shock, surprise, shame and confusion and self-doubt. They initially search for answers by examining their own behavior and feel reluctant to being regarded as a victim. Because that implies a powerlessness and weakness and who wants to feel or be weak? On the other hand, if they did have power enough to stop their rapist doesn’t that mean they are to blame? Does that mean they weren’t raped?

I never understood why slut-walkers were so keen on claiming the word “slut”, but completely reluctant to reclaim the word “victim”, because that is what we are when we talk about being raped, how we have been made a victim and that we are somehow to blame for and supposed to be ashamed of being a victim. That victims have no agency or power and what we couldn’t stop others from doing to us becomes our whole identity.

The Priorities of the Patriarchy

Edited: To honor all new visitors from the Captain Moron site I have created a special post just for you.

Due to an almost 200% price-hike in tuition for me next year there is a good chance I’ll be forced to drop out of college. That’s another way to control women, make sure they got less and less money. Robbing people of a chance to get an education and become self-sufficient will keep the Patriarchy as firmly in place as ever, so I figured I might as way catch up on my blogging, since I have been neglecting my blog for the past two years in favor of my probably soon to be failed attempt at getting a degree.

In this post I want to discuss Pirate Bay. Pirate Bay, for those of you  unfamiliar with the phenomenon of torrenting, offers torrent files that can be opened in a peer-to-peer downloading program. In short, you are downloading stuff from a whole bunch of users who are all connected via the .torrent file. These files can be legal, if you have bought a license to what your are downloading or if the media you download is freeware. However, it is no secret that what most people download is not the stuff they bought. Often this is thought off in terms of “stealing”, though the downloading is not the illegal part in many cases, but allowing people to download is. Sounds familiar? Legislation to “prevent” rape often also places blame with the wrong person.

In my country several internet service providers (ISP’s) are now forced to block access to the website Pirate Bay, who offers these torrent files. You can’t actually download any media (pirated or otherwise) from this website or it’s servers, however the law enforcers the world over are hunting the creators of this websites like crazy. One of the co-founders of the site has been convicted to a year incarceration and a fine of 1.1 million Dollar (I assume that means US Dollar, but the source was unclear).

Yet, the conviction for rape and assault of women remains less than 1% the world over. Perpetrators can attack and rape women to their hearts’ contend. The damage they do lasts a lifetime and is way more than just lost income. Yet, when the big-ass media corporations hoot and holler about lost revenue every government jumps to their feet with their pitch-forks and torches to assist those poor, poor media moguls who are having trouble shoving their useless, mediocre, misogynist, male-centric media down all our throats. Here’s a newsflash for you assholes: This feminist doesn’t want your crappy media, even if you paid me to consume it.

Hypocritically they claim the illegal downloading hurts artists and performers, but without such downloads being available would the big suits pay them even so much as one cent more? Would they? Would they give more opportunities to female actors and directors to make something other than misogynist crap? I highly doubt it, but there you have it. This is what the “crime-fighting-heroes” of the patriarchy spend most of their time doing; going after people who could, maybe, potentially hurt their control over the world. We can’t have any of that now can we. Women being hurt? Who cares? Women dying and getting murdered and raped? Small price to pay for “refocusing legal priorities”.

The Importance of Intersectionality in Radical Feminism

I have a confession to make. To be perfectly honest I don’t even know why my type of feminism is referred to as radical? Radical means “root”, but why being in favor of total and complete equality for all people is such a radical idea is beyond me. To me this concept that women deserve everything that is considered a human right makes perfect sense. It is what I have been taught in school all these years. Every adult I spoke to as a kid always told me: “You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and enjoy all human rights. To be held back on the basis of your sex is an antiquated concept that has no part in modern society.”

Oh, boy! What a lie that has been. I have since learned that to be female means not enjoying the same rights and treatment that men enjoy, not by a long shot. I have learned that first and foremost my appearance is my most important attribute and that I will get treated a little better when I am closer to the ideal standard of beauty for women, but not too much. They may like to look at you, but they don’t want to listen to you unless to hear you agree with them and “it’s a complement when they hurl obscene remarks in your direction, don’t you know? It’s a sign of desirability and you’d better be happy while you still get those.” In many cases I was not even allowed the same comfort and convenience of “dress code” that the men had.

I was expected to take action in the hopes of preventing a sexual attack on my body and if I failed it would be all my fault. I have learned that I am often ignored or ridiculed or hushed when I try to speak my mind or ask those “inconvenient” questions as to why things are not as equal as I was promised as a child. Equality was the lie I was sold all the way through my childhood.

Nowadays I don’t see many “choices” women make as free as they are portrayed. I, too, compromise a lot. I have been shaving my legs again to avoid harassment, for example, and to make it a little easier to get hired. I hide my feminism from most people I meet. I didn’t always do that, and what happened is that people stopped listening, shut me up or forced me out somehow. Dealing with outright hostility to one’s expressed opinion is an unsettling experience, especially if you were under the impression you were just having a friendly debate.

So why is it considered root feminism? Human societies are not a natural occurrence, but are man-made. The rules and laws we follow, whether official or not, are also man-made and ensure that a great many people get the short end of the stick; women in particular. Rich white men have created hierarchies among oppressed classes. It is not merely that they oppress everyone they perceive as “not like them”, they also have put hierarchies in place to make sure that the oppressed classes also oppress each other.

Many of those among oppressed classes have actively bought into the “hierarchies as natural and necessary” and work hard to oppress those over which they have slightly more privilege. Case in point: Fat-hatred. I have written about this before, and it still surprises me that even many feminists have an attitude of “what’s the big deal” or “why don’t you just lose weight then” or “well fat is rather ugly/inconvenient/unhealthy, I am merely telling you for your own good”.  It is like I haven’t heard these messages thousands or times before, and without realizing that they will chastise men for ignoring their own privileged state, but refuse to examine their own ignorance and privileges.

Another thing is the “sex-industry”; many women, including feminists, will argue that doing “sex-work” is a choice pure and simple. Would they be willing to do that kind of work? Of course not. But someone has to do it, “so they run less risk of rape”; is how the argument goes, willfully ignoring the fact that many prostituted women never got to choose their prostituted state, because many of them are trafficked or forced into it through crushing poverty. In this case the pro-porn/pro-prostitution, female advocates are perfectly willing to support the slavery of women whose faces and names they don’t even know for a false sense of security. I call it false, because wherever a sex-club opens in any given neighborhood the number of sexual assaults in that neighborhood rises. Women are perfectly capable of throwing other women to the dogs, just like men do. Should they not be called out for that?

Fighting racism, especially the quiet obsequious kind, is another important radical feminist issue. To be a white woman in a patriarchy makes for a difficult life, but for women who don’t even have white privilege, this is a whole other ball game. For every ethnic group of women in a white patriarchal society there is a different form of misogyny. Consider the stereotype of the demur, little Asian woman, or the stereotype of the angry, black woman, with an insatiable sexual appetite who is often portrayed as more animal than human. This is a type of misogyny we white women don’t deal with and even at times level at women of color. There is a hierarchy among women that some women work very hard for to keep up, cheered on by their (white) patriarchs. When considering for example the demands that are made of women of African descent to get haircuts that costs a thousand dollars a month, just to keep their jobs, and the fact that I didn’t know that until I saw that documentary “Good Hair”, I was a little shocked. It was incredibly ignorant of me to not even consider how many black women were forced to “emulate” the sleeker hair of white women. Not keeping in mind what others have to go through is another reason why intersectionaility is so important.

Simply put: Intersectionality matters. You can’t get rid of one form of oppression and leave another intact. That will do nothing to destroy the patriarchy. You’ll merely plug one of the hundreds of holes in a sinking ship. That is not an effective strategy. I am all for having different groups of people focus on different forms of oppression. Fighting forms of oppression on all sides with different people will work, but if you refuse to even see other groups of people trying to bring down that same patriarchy, then you might as well be on your own trying to dig through granite with a spade.

I hate being Dutch

Does it hurt to say you hate your own nation? Well, yes it does. I am born and raised here and I still feel more at home here than elsewhere; I have tried. However, there are many times that I am heartedly ashamed of a lot of the people I share this country with.

No, I am not talking about the Dutch policies regarding drugs and prostitution. I am talking about the ever increasing hatred towards people who are not noticeably white enough to be called “Dutch” by most.

When I went to visit my current home-town for the first time I took the train and got to talking with a bunch of students from Rotterdam. One of them was a woman of color with Turkish parents. She spoke Dutch, was born here and had the Dutch nationality. She referred to herself as a foreigner. At first I didn’t understand why, until she started talking about how people looked at her and treated her. She was treated by a lot of people like she came from Mars instead of the Netherlands. When I heard her call herself a foreigner, I asked her where she was from and what nationality she held. She answered with “Dutch” to both questions. I told her:

“Then you are as Dutch as I am.”

She told me that it doesn’t feel that way. Whenever she and others like her are being referred to as a “demographic” it is always the term “allochtoon”, that is used for immigrants and refugees. This happened well over two years ago and the hate has merely increased.

We have a political party that has as its primary focus “putting a stop to the islamization of the country”, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Do they really think that this country will eventually become a Muslim country? I am more worried about it sooner becoming something else.

I can’t even play an online game without being faced with hatred. I recently disabled a chat-function in a game, because the gamers, instead of gaming, decided that they needed to use the chat function to express their hatred of Turkish people, who they believe don’t have a right to be in the Netherlands. It’s funny how white dutchies still love to go on holiday over there. Fucking hypocrites!

There are a bunch of politicians here who are spreading the hate and people are consuming it with glee. They want to hate. They want to point at people and set themselves apart and above them. They want to form small little clicks and exclude as many people as they can think off based on skin color, religion, body parts or what have you. They quite literally want to kick anyone who is not white or straight or able bodied or poor out of the country.

I am so sick of the hate. I am sick of the fact that I can’t express my hatred for the hate. They are allowed to hate, but I can’t even have freedom of expression when I don’t agree with them.  Dutch people suck and are stupid. They have got no excuse. Every idiot here has access to books and the internet and still they choose the path of least resistance, ignorance and hatred of people they consider “the other”.

I hate them.