When I first ran across this issue my initial reaction was: “Sure, why not?” Feminism’s strength is partly in numbers and without the cooperation of those who hold a lot of privilege, feminism could never have succeeded at anything.
But then I must remember that any advances made by feminism never happened with the cooperation of those in power. They were always forced to grant women more rights under the law, because constant protests and bad press made it very unprofitable for them to do otherwise. One very good example of this was the struggle for women’s suffrage; this was even in some countries of Europe, not achieved until after the second world war.
Still, I was OK with men joining the feminist movement and calling themselves feminists until I stumbled across this guy. He is a sexual predator who used feminist concepts to lower the defenses of his victim(s). He used it to build trust where he didn’t deserve it. I am absolutely disgusted by assholes like these. Since I have learned about Kyle Payne I feel that if men are truly serious about advancing equality they will not label themselves feminists and will leave it up to feminists to determine if he can be considered an “ally”.
They should also not try to educate women on feminism or the inequality they live in. Some women are not aware of the situation or choose not to think about it. It is not up to men to try to change their minds. What men can do is speak to other men. They can call out their friends on their bigotry and tell them off for laughing at rape jokes or anti-woman jokes in general.
Another thing that irks me is men who consider themselves allies trying to take over feminist spaces. It is hard enough for women to find spaces where they will not be interrupted or ridiculed by men. Where they can speak about their pasts without having to worry that there will be men who don’t understand or who will use it as ammunition against them.
I have encountered men at feminist spaces who were the loudest and most vocal, who hijacked almost every conversation and who always demanded to be the center of attention and made every issue, feminists related, about them. They are a serious disruption of feminist discourse. Feminism’s strength may be in numbers, but it is also in the bonding of women and their opportunity to talk to each other and share experiences.
It would be equally ridiculous for me as a white woman to demand access to womanist spaces. How could I possibly discuss what the experience of racism feels like? The only think I can do is discourage it in my own environment.
There are of course places where people can unite in their activism, but as long as privilege exists, groups who are disadvantaged by it, must have the room, the security and privacy to express themselves freely. Until we have a better society, this is the only solution.
As of yesterday, Australia has it’s first female prime minister. What a historic day – it marks that the female ‘space’ is broadening.
Oh, Australia’s PM is now Julia Gillard.. I hate her politics.. I LOVE that she is a woman :D
Pingback: Parallels between accusations of “anti-Semitism” and “Trans-Phobia” | Feminist at Sea
Great post – I agree with you on every point. I think I would never join a feminist group that was open to men. It changes everything – they take center stage, and women become silent.
I always say, if a man tells you he’s a feminsit, wait five minutes.
That’s all it takes for him to show you he”s not :)
Thanks siemprejulia. I still feel conflicted over this, particularly when well known men state they are feminists. I doubt that they say it to “score chicks”, as it were, because they can prey on enough women with their fame even if they don’t claim to be a feminist. Also, it can make people think about human rights issues. So it has a potential for positive change.
However, I can’t help feeling skeptical. I am a big Star Trek fan and I recently found out that apparently Patrick Stewart goes around calling himself a feminist and giving tearful confessions about his father beating his mother up when he was a kid. I also wonder when men say stuff like that if they do it to gain sympathy or if they really mean it. I have met so many liars in my life, who will say whatever to get you on their side, often not even to get into your pants, but just to get your sympathy whether or not they deserve it.
I hear you. I’ve had many long friendships with men, and there are men who are sincere and caring people. But having goodwill towards women does not make a man pro-feminist. I like this term better for someone who’s not a woman, I think only a woman can be feminist. For a man to be profeminist is a lot like a
white person being anti-racist. You can’t just say it and make it so. You have to read a lot and listen – w/o getting defensive – to people of color talk about racism, and do some anti-racist trainings. You have to work at it, especially at eradicating the racism inside of yourself. The seemingly profeminist men I know haven’t gotten past reading a few books, and they mostly read the feminists who are sympathetic to men.
The main reason I wouldn’t want men in my group is that I love women only spaces! The energy and the freedom is something I never find in mixed groups. And women only spaces are so rare. I often run free writing groups for women, and they are open to any woman who wnats to come. Men can make their own groups :)