In the traditional sense of the term this means for a woman that no man has ever stuck his penis inside her vulva and for a man this means he has never had his penis in a woman’s vulva. In the case of a woman this is also associated with “purity” and “being untouched/unspoiled”. When you Google “virginity” the first few links will be about “losing it” and with that it is implied that “virginity” can never be regained. It is something that is also connected to “childhood” and “immaturity”.
It is a term that I consider complete and utter bullshit. For one thing it is incredibly heterosexist. What can you call sex? Or what can you call “the act/deed”? Many people do not consider something sex unless it involves a man’s penis and a woman’s vulva. By this definition some gay people remain “virgins” their entire lives, as what they do is not actually considered sex.
I also hate the connection that many people make with a women’s hymen. When the hymen are “intact”, people believe the woman “has never had sex” and with sex they mean they her vulva has never been penetrated by a man. In some cultures women must have “intact” hymen or the marriage will result in immediate divorce or worse. Women are expected to bleed to “pass this test”. This has many women so worried that they undergo risky and invasive surgeries in order to bleed, when their husband first penetrates their vulva.
They are right to be worried, because hymen say absolutely nothing about a woman’s “untouched” state. Many women don’t even have hymen to begin with, lose them some way (playing sports for example) or will always have them no matter how many times a man fucks them. In many cases there won’t be any blood when a woman’s vulva is penetrated and she has hymen. Every woman is different yet somehow we’re all suppose to believe the hymen are the product seal of a woman’s body.
Because that is what most of us women are to men, a bunch of fuck-holes for them to play with. If we haven’t got hymen/had our vulvas penetrated by a man, we are seen as a toothbrush that someone else has used, a toilet that someone else has shat in. We are suppose to be “new”, “pure” and “untouched”, so that our acquirers don’t have to worry about what our previous owners did to us? Think I am crazy? Then why is a woman who has sex with men or wants to have sex with men often called a slut? Why have we got no such words for sexually experiences men? Why is virginity, even in western cultures, such a priced quality that that have girls make pledges to “save it” for their husbands/owners.
The answer is the same as always. It is about power. We women aren’t suppose to have it, not even in a private place such as the bedroom. A women who is sexually experienced may have learned what she likes to do when having sex and what not. I have noticed this myself. Some of the men I have had sex with wanted things from me I wasn’t comfortable with and back then I found it a lot harder to say no then I do now that I have more experience and knowledge. From where I am sitting I am ready to kick any man out the door for even suggesting the wrong things. I am no longer willing to consider sex acts I am not comfortable with and whining will simply make me break off contact with those men. Unfortunately, back then I didn’t know what was “normal” and like with most things I feared rejection and ridicule and sometimes gave in.
Here is also where I blame education. Teaching kids about how they can prevent pregnancy and deceases is not enough. Merely teaching children about their reproductive systems is not enough. That is not sex-ed.
This leaves especially the girls vulnerable to all sorts of unwanted experiences they will later regret. It leaves boys (and sometimes girls) vulnerable to pornography, where the primary focus is in most cases violence and coercion. This way children don’t learn what sex is and confuse rape with sex. Two things that have absolutely nothing in common.
Back to the sex-acts. I consider masturbation a sex-act as well. This is something that many children begin to experiment with in their teens and it is a great way for them to get to know their bodies and their own wishes and desires where sex is concerned. This, too, is not taught in schools.
Any consensual sex-act is sex, which means that a lot of kids “lose their virginity” a lot sooner then when they start to have sex with another person. And why have this barrier of “virginity”? Why is sex still such a taboo and is either turned into something perverse or something that is considered wrong?
Virginity does not exist. It is an oppressive term used to keep girls and women under control and to scare boys and men away from homosexuality, in the hope that they can “stamp that nonsense out of them”.